Stuck here

I should be somewhere in Google, google-ing the job. Tapi end up here.

I am madly crazily deeply desperately want a job. Seriously I am. Tak tahan duduk rumah mcm ni, boleh gila. I just want to do something, lemme do something, tell me to do something, absolutely other than house chores la kan.I really get sick with all this, duduk rumah, doing nothing, completely broke, and silence. I hate silence. It keeps leading me to feel nothing. Empty. Too neutral. Kalau ukur tahap pH level ni, aku berada ni tahap paling neutral, crystal clear punya pH neutral color. Terlampau tak rasa apa2. Kalau keep on continue mcm ni, I will take the initiative to further my master. You just gotta be ready brain! 

I went to Shah Alam yesterday, never thought I feel so alive there. Weird though, but I feel like "Hello! Look at me! Imma human!" , guess sbb dah lama tak jumpa housemates. Jujur lah, rindu. Sangat. Sampai nak balik tadi, I look at them, I take a look around. Setiap pelusuk rumah tu ada memori. Memory that will never fade. Walaupun menara gading hanya terletak di Shah Alam dan boleh balik setiap minggu, 3 tahun menimba ilmu disana. 2 tahun setengah berhempas pulas belajar berdikari sewa rumah segala. Satu tempoh yg cukup utk mematangkan diri yg dulunya manja tahap meleweh2, meleset2, dan segala jenis perangai yg tidak reti berdiri atas kaki sendiri.  Terima Kasih Shah Alam, even I hate you, even you treat me like hell, masih ada kisah suka penuh warna disana. Till we meet again :')

Bila dah bosan kosong je rasa duduk dkt rumah, I check my past entry. Entry yg aku sorg je boleh baca, The entry that I converted it to draft. Hai la hati, bila awak nak jadi mcm dulu? kenapa keras sangat tak berasa langsung ni? kenapa merajuk lama sangat kali ni? sakit sangat ya. Nevermind. Take your time to heal ya. Don't push too hard. Susah nak buang semuanya sekaligus. Slow slow la. Keep learning. at least ada progress sikit2 pun okay dah. You are doing good my dear heart. 

Ada org tanya, "Bila dia admit dia rindu kau secara open dkt public, kau tak terasa apa2 dkt hati ke yin?"

Biar ku pujuk hati ini,

merawat rindu ku sendiri,

setelah aku kau lukai,

sedangkan kau tahu....

Tu, jawapan utk soalan, kalau terror, cari la lirik lagu apa.

perhitungan,
9 bulan sudah hati ini mati.
mungkin sudah suratan terpisah sebegitu saja.
pasti disuatu hari nanti, ku juga kan jejak bahgia.


 :)